The bump

The weeks are still going very slowly, with anticipation I am awaiting a moment when I feel properly pregnant. This means feeling the baby move and a proper stomach that does not look like I have just been over eating over Christmas.
I am lucky to say I have not had any morning sickness, no lines have appeared across my belly , the breast are no longer sore and to be honest besides the appearance of more stretchy pants in the wardrobe, that I care to admit, I feel the same.
I am not sure what I was expecting, and I should probably feel blessed, but I just thought I would feel more.
What is more strange to my friends around me is that I am not gushing about the pregnancy, quite the opposite I find conversations that center too much around the mini human a bit uncomfortable. As most of my friends back home are now on babies number 2, i have experienced the constant baby talk and felt then as I do now that a baby should be a part of you but not the only thing that defines you, your time or your conversations. Am I cold because of this ? Somehow disconnected? Is it unnatural that I feel this way now that I am expecting? I do love this mini human inside me and I can’t wait for his/her arrival but I am terrified of it defining me from now on.

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Dreaming of a baby belly.

At 10 weeks I still just look like i have eaten too much Mexican and not like there is a mini human hiding inside me. So I am a little surprised that in my dreams I am almost always now pregnant with a big belly that I seem to be stroking. The dreams are still random and nothing to do with the pregnancy I just happen to have a big belly. I wonder if this is common?

Baby Insomnia….

I wonder if there is such a thing as insomnia caused by pregnancy. My friends that have already entered the world off rug rats always complain of lack of sleep. This i was certain a state one enters after the arrival . Unfortunately for me it’s 5.17 , I have been up since 4 . I have decided to not stir the grumpy hubby any longer and resigned myself to my pity party of one in the bath. Weekend tomorrow… Hurry!

The worst kept secret

When do you tell people.? Who do you tell? I love to talk and often am an open book on all matters, opinionated even when not prompted. Now I am asked to keep silent! Hanse the start of the blog I think. I feel like I am telling someone all the things that I need to release, shame the blog doesn’t talk back.

We have told a few people mind you. I have told my dad, who was the strongest family lobbyist in the matter of pro creation, making for many of awkward conversation I never needed to have. I do adore him and I knew that he would help the feelings of joy overshadow the fear. My mum is still not the know. We haven’t been that close lately, and I worry about all the sensible comments as well lines like “now it’s all over” . My little sister who is coming soon to visit and will surely know something is up as I will sit for an hour on a glass of Pinot. Hubbies brother and wife. They have two kids and they have started to regularly reach out to us since the news. I am now part of some special club I teems, although I am not sure I wanted to apply.
With each new person we tell, I feel guilty about the people that don’t know. My doctors visit is this Friday, this will give me a referral for a scan. Supposedly once we have a heart beat some book said that we can tell more people.
Soon it will be the worst kept secrets, spanning continents and countries.