Fat Vision Goggles

I have never been very slim, like a yo yo I have bounce around from the moment I hit my teen years. Peeking at 85 and dropping to 67 at my best since the age of 18. I also have never been very vain, and no matter what weight never really felt any different and never really realized the wait gain or loss that much. We’ll not until photos. I think stretch clothing has had assisted in this phenomenon. Just before the blue line appeared a couple of months to be exact a couple of things happened to make we want to turn a new leaf and get my self in shape again.

1. A doctors check up which confirmed I was back in the 80s ….I have been avoiding the contraption of the devil since I moved to London, and realized that between weigh ins I changed boxing decisions once again
2. A visit to see the family, in which my grandmother who usually can’t stop feeding me completely backed off and accepted that no thank you is good enough all of a sudden, and my aunty who with less tack actually said..” No need to have cake ..that’s enough darling” followed by a at on my stomach and later references that I could have a starting role in a local show similar to Roseanne. Ouch!

So when I did get back, I decided I should be a bit healthier and more aware of what I put in my body. The evil contraption, the scales, were purchased and awareness set in.

Before the blue line my weight was at 77. Let’s say I wasn’t really focused or do any real diets just once in a while I said no to something, hanse only 3 kg in 2 months.

Since the blue line no weigh in, but my usually rose colored glasses that no matter what weight I am I feel the same are off and replaced with fat goggles. For the first time I find myself pinching my stomach thighs and the flubber that surrounds me .
I see cellulite everywhere. What has happened in the last couple of weeks to make me feel this way? Why am I terrified to weigh myself? The fear of ballooning into an unrecognizable creature , kankles and stretch marks all seem to matter now…..why?